manners no. 16

If you are a first-time pregnant, this "manners" post is for you.  If you have one or more children, cry or cringe or snarf as needed. I consider myself qualified to talk about being a prima because I was among the worst. Not only did I not "have the chip", I experienced nausea, bloating and a handful of other intestinal issues for almost seven months.  With a (literally) rash of uneasiness, concern for the future and the well-being of my developing child, add daily retching and edema colossalitus;  not fun and no fun!  Still, I refrained from several activities including 1) not being food-freaky and 2) never massaging my widening waistline. No doubt it's a special, special place now - say, like your breasts, bottom and fanny. But we don't routinely rub them in public, do we?

Once I had the child out of my body, redemption!  I behaved much more nicely and I never became a germ freak, let others hold my baby and didn't insist on particular hours for anything.  They say there are "no wrongs" in caring for your child (something like that), but I can tell you there is something very wrong with this tent. So much weirder than seeing breasts in a restaurant. Try one of these instead. They double as spit up rags and as blankets. They wash beautifully. Be sure to buy the flat fold, not the pre-fold.

Also, try these amazing, well-crafted, good-looking, versatile numbers.  They're 100% organic, feel great, cover everything and double as blanket and towel for you and for baby. We still use them and we're five years out.

The other nursing must-have, in my opinion is a wrap sweater or two like this.  Swear!  No one knows what you are doing! Even your ex-best professor. Who's a man. And has no children. And sees no breasts on a regular basis.

I could go on about baby outfits (spare me the bows, headbands and def the headbands with bows, please), over-packed diaper bags (that are gross and gross looking) and a ton of other subjects, but I've left you with two solid don't-go-theres.

If you are breast feeding and adopt the above, you will be thankful once while you're learning to do this task with grace (and you won't sweat under the plastic, mondo tent!). You'll be thankful again when you see photographs of yourself and you appear only as if you have one odd-sized breast (that'd be your baby's head).

Best wishes!